The Gift of Music

I love music.  I grew up in a home with a band director for a father.  We were surrounded by music all the time.  As I've grown older, I've discovered that my mind focuses so much on the lyrics of songs, due in large part to my mom's influence.  She is always talking about the message behind the music she listens to. I guess that over the years, I've adopted the same habit in listening to music.

Every now and then, I listen to the words in a song and feel like I hit face-first into a brick wall.  I get so overcome with the way the Savior speaks to me through certain songs.  That happened to me a few days ago.  We just returned from a two-week trip to see family in Tennessee.  It was so much fun to watch Abby Kate interact with her new grandparents and friends.  She grew a lot over those two weeks and was a much more secure and confident little 16-month-old when we returned home.  The day before we left, we were at my parents' church in Franklin.  This little church is a wonderful modern-day picture of the early church we read about in the Scriptures.  I love it.  Anyway, after the sermon, we started some congregational singing.  One thing I love about this church is that all the children come in from their classes and from the nursery to be with their families during the singing.  It's corporate worship in its truest form.  I held Abby Kate as we started to sing "Amazing Grace."  That's when my brick-wall moment happened.  We got to a verse, and immediately it was like God was saying to me, "This is what I've done for Abby."  Tears streamed down my face as I sang, "Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come.  Twas grace that brought me safe thus far.  And grace will bring me home."  That's her story!  The life she had to lead for the first 13 months was more than we can imagine as we lay our biological children in their cribs in their perfectly decorated nurseries just a couple of days after their births.  Abby Kate, on the other hand, was malnourished, abandoned, taken to a hospital, then an orphanage, then a foster home.  It was the grace of God that saved her life and placed her in a family that will love, nurture, and care for her.  It was the grace of God that brought her home.

And isn't that what He does for us?  Without Christ, we are lost.  Completely helpless.  Spiritually orphaned without a Father.  But His grace saves us through faith!  We are adopted into His family and eternally saved to be one of His children!  Grace is what gets us through each day, and grace is what will take us to be with Him for all time.

What a glorious thought!  All brought on through the gift of music.

Our New Reality

I don't think anything could've prepared me for these last few days and for what lies ahead in the next two or three weeks.  I just can't even describe how tired I am.  Jet lag, plus a baby who is consistently waking up before 5 AM, plus a 19-month-old who is wanting equal time with me equals extreme exhaustion.  Abby Kate has regressed since we've gotten home.  She's not the usual happy child we saw towards the end of our time in China.  I'm assuming this is due to jet lag.  She's not really taking naps (today was about 20 minutes total).  The clinging has returned, too.  I have to be touching her in some way almost all day for her to be ok.  After talking to our adoption agent today, though, I found out we should be very thankful.  Tina said most children don't sleep through the night when they return.  Her own daughter didn't sleep through for 2 years!  So even though we're getting up before the roosters, we are getting straight sleep that's better than expected.  Thank you Lord for that!  She also told me that the regression is normal, to be patient, and watch it pass in the next 1-3 weeks.  I hope it's quick, but in the mean time, I'll be praying for that patience.

I think it's funny that my original post today was going to be about my favorite things from today--the little moments that I didn't want to forget.  Why in the world did I think I would remember anything on my very jet-lagged, sleep-deprived brain? :)  I do remember one thing though.  Probably because it's only been an hour and a half since it happened, but nonetheless, I remember.  About 5:00 tonight, I hit my wall--that place where you're so tired you can't even speak.  I sat beside Abby Kate on the floor, leaned up against the wall, and shut my eyes.  Of course, I immediately started to doze off.  Next thing I knew, Hannah Grace was covering me with a blanket.  Then she brought me a pillow to go behind my back and her bunny for me to hold.  I muttered out a thank you to the sounds of old-school R&B that HG put on for "mood music".  Then my sweetest son came to me and kissed me on the cheek.  Unprovoked.  Yes, I cried.  It's easy for me to do that these days, but that was one of the sweetest moments ever.  I feel, at times, like I may not make it through these next weeks.  But the Lord gives me those moments to remind me that I will not just make it through, but I'll make it with the rewards of sweet memories with three of the most precious children on the planet.

The Smiths are coming home!!

We have had an absolutely amazing time here in China!  We are very ready to be back in the States, though.  Tomorrow (Wednesday) we start the 40 hour journey home.  We will take a train to Hong Kong and stay in a hotel for just a few hours before getting up to catch our first flight to Tokyo.  Then it's Salt Lake City, Memphis, Pensacola.  For those of you in Memphis, we'll have a short layover when we land at 5:50pm.  As long as everything is on schedule, we'll plan to come out by security to see any of you who want to meet Abby Kate.  For those in Pensacola, we land around 9pm.  Feel free to come see us if you want! 
 
We would like you all to join us in praying very specifically for some things:
--Most importantly, we are praying for Abby Kate and her ability to handle all the travel.  It's going to be rough.  We've had her on one flight here in China and she was VERY difficult.  She doesn't like to be contained and wants to be very active.  Fortunately, we bought a seat for her, so we will have some extra room.  But I'm still very worried about her ability to stay calm and my ability to stay patient! :)  Please pray that she'll be able to take good naps and sleep on the longest flight which is overnight China-time.
--Pray for safety as we travel on a train and 4 flights to get home!
--Pray that our luggage all makes it back to Pensacola.
--Pray that we'll be able to manage all the traveling in Hong Kong and Tokyo.  We won't have a guide with us at that point, so no translator.
--Finally, pray for us as we transition back to U.S. time.  It's a 13 hour difference for us.  I'm worried mostly for Abby Kate.  She's going to want to be awake at night, which means we won't get much sleep.   And there's a 19-month-old who's going to be ready for our attention bright and early.  So pray that we will get over the jet lag quickly and that AK will adjust quicker than expected.
 
We are so happy to be coming home and can't wait for you all to meet this amazing little girl!
   

Gotcha Day

Because our internet wasn't working well in Nanchang, I never got to blog about Gotcha Day.  We have the morning off today, so I have some time to get caught up on some writing. 
 
We arrived in Nanchang on May 22 around 10 AM.  Our guide told our group on the way to the hotel that we'd meet our children around 3 PM.  After 5 and a half years of waiting, it was hard to believe we were just a few hours away from holding baby girl.  I was surprisingly calm as the hours went by.  We were told that we'd be meeting in a quiet lobby in the back of the hotel.  The phone rang around 4.  Our guide said, "They are finally here with the babies!"  We grabbed our cameras and headed down on the elevator.  We were surprised to see that the women and the two babies were right outside the elevator in the main lobby instead of the quiet area in the back of the hotel.  I grabbed a bell hop and handed him the video camera.  One of the ladies asked Brian, "What is your child's name?"  He told her, "Minying."  She got Abby Kate and handed her to me.  She had a Walmart sticker with her name on it, I guess to make sure they gave us the right child!
 
Tears streamed down my face as I held the one I'd dreamed of for so many years.  She was confused, of course, but she didn't scream.  I'd prayed for that.  Brian tried to hold her, but she seemed to be scared of him.  She held onto me with a death grip.  One thing we'd been praying for was a supernatural attachment.  Abby Kate seemed instantly attached to me.  We were so thankful that God graciously gave us that.  Our coordinator gave us a sheet of paper that had Abby Kate's schedule on it (which didn't pan out to mean anything in reality).  We talked with the orphanage director briefly and asked her to write a note to Abby Kate.  Her note wished AK good luck and fortune and asked AK to come back to China someday.  One of my favorite things was getting to give the director the sack full of about 175 hats knitted by me, my mom, my cousin, and a few others.  She was overcome with the gift.  When we left the lobby, she was still looking at all of them and talking with her coworker about them.  I'm so glad we were able to do that for them.  We won't ever see the babies who wear those hats, but knowing we will have a part in bringing them a little more comfort in the orphanage is a wonderful thought.  
 
All total, I think we were in the lobby for about 10 minutes.  It wasn't at all what we'd expected.  I was hoping to get a chance to ask a lot of questions.  Our coordinator told us we could do that later, but that never happened.  I'm not sure what she meant by later.  It makes me sad for AK because there are questions we'll never have answers for.  The whole process seemed very rushed.  I know that in the end, all that matters is that we had her with us, but I still regret its not being what I had imagined.  As the week went on, we realized that this was just the way it was done.  Almost every day, we saw new families in that same spot receiving their children.  Looking back, it's very typical for China.  In the US, we'd expect to have more of 'a moment', but in China, there's never any pomp and circumstance.  For them, a loud lobby with dozens of people passing as we were given a gift we'd waited for forever was normal. 
 
We went back to the room and spent the next two hours on the bed holding Abby Kate.  She would cry a little, then suck on her two middle fingers and look at me.  Brian had to just sit beside me.  She wasn't ready for him to interact with her yet.  We tried giving her a bottle and feeding her, but she didn't want either.  At about 6 PM, we all fell asleep and didn't get up till the next morning.  AK slept between us the whole night.  She flopped all over the place, but of course we didn't mind.  We were woken up around 5:30 AM  to some sweet babbling by AK.  Then she saw Brian, realized she wasn't at home, and started crying.  As long as I was holding her, she was ok.  It's been over a week now since we've become parents to this amazing little girl.  She's nothing now like she was when we met.  She's full of spunk, smiles, laughter, and opinions.  She definitely lets us know if things aren't going her way!  We are so blessed to have her and so thankful to the Lord for bringing us to this point.  We know our future holds lots of adventure with this little girl!

She has a new name.

WILD WOMAN!  There is no other way to describe this baby girl of ours.  As we look back on the last several days, we now know that she was seriously grieving.  When we first got Abby Kate, she didn't want to leave my arms.  If I let her down for even a second, she'd start screaming.  I had to hold her at dinner while I ate.  Slowly we moved to her letting me put her on the bed beside me as long as my arm was around her.  She started to sit in the high chair at dinner if I would hold her hand or put my arm around her.  We made great progress the day she actually rode in the stroller.  But I still had to be holding her hand.  Brian was 'allowed' (by AK) to hold her some as she began to warm up to him.  Then yesterday it happened.  It was like a light switch.  We put her on the floor while I began to work on organizing our stuff for packing.  I was surprised when she didn't start crying.  She just started crawling around and walking around the room holding onto the bed and other furniture.  Giggles and smiles followed.  She was so active we couldn't keep up.  A totally different child.  This went on for about 2 hours.  No crying, no clinging, just playing and having a great time.  Now we are seeing her true personality.  And she is a wild one!  I thought Caleb was a handful, but he has nothing on her!  She is now all over the place.  And she's tough, too!  She banged into stuff so many times and didn't even flinch.  
 
Another big change has been nap time.  Before, we would just lay her down and she'd quietly drift off to sleep.  We thought, "Man! This is easy!"  Then the light switch went off and reality hit.  Now we put her in the crib and it's a three ring circus in there for the next hour.  She doesn't cry, but she stands up, jumps in the crib, squeals, laughs, rolls around, bangs her head on the side, and jabbers.  Oh my goodness, it's funny to watch.  There is no end to her energy.
 
Now, here's where that is not a good thing.  Flying.  We left Nanchang today for Guangzhou.  The flight was just over an hour.  Let me just say, I have no idea how we're going to make it home.  She did NOT like the fact that she couldn't go all over the plane.  She was screaming and squirming the whole flight.  And of course, she fell asleep about 30 seconds before we landed.  So PLEASE start praying now for our trip home.  Pray that she'll somehow be calm and not so uncontrollable.  The longest flight is overnight China-time, so pray she'll get LOTS of sleep on that flight.  And pray for our patience and endurance as we care for her.
 
Our hotel here, the Garden Hotel, is unbelievable.  It is the nicest hotel I've ever seen.  We have a suite with a living room and a bedroom.  That's SO nice because we can put her down and not feel like we can't make a peep.  The city is beautiful and much more like a metropolitan city.  We can tell it's going to be a lot of fun to be here over the next few days.  Nanchang was nice, but we realize now that it is very "old" China.  There's not much that's modern or progressive there.  We were stared at constantly because everything there was SO traditional, so we really stuck out.  We've already noticed here in Guangzhou that people don't really even look at us.  There's also a huge diversity of people here because of all the foreign consulate offices here.  We really enjoyed learning about Abby Kate's hometown, but this new city will be a nice change and another great way to experience China.

Tomorrow we get her medical exam done.  I'm anxious to get that since she's still struggling with what seems to be an upper respiratory infection.  Hopefully we'll get some answers and/or medicine.  Well, my eyes are crossing I'm so tired.  So I guess that's all for tonight.  :)

Is there a Mr. Microwave in the house?

We went to a fantastic restaurant for lunch today.  I took a to-go box back to the hotel hoping I could heat it up somewhere for dinner.  I went to the front desk around dinnertime and asked them, "Is there a microwave in the hotel that I could use?"  They didn't really understand me, so I asked again if there was a microwave in the hotel.  I tried to explain that it takes cold food and makes it hot.  But at this point, they'd already started to type on their computer.  I told Brian they must have a translation program on their computers.  The attendant called someone and said a bunch of stuff in Chinese.  Then she handed me the phone.  The lady on the other end said in very broken English, "Excuse me, could you please spell microwave?"  I spelled it for her.  She repeated the letters back to me and I confirmed they were correct.  Then she said, "I'm sorry, I can't find a guest with the name microwave."  Brian and I very quickly said thank you and left before they could see us laughing our heads off!  Definitely the funniest 'lost in translation' moment we've had yet!

An Emotional Visit, A Taste of the Culture

Today was the day I've been waiting for.  Ever since we got Abby Kate, I've been wanting to see where she was abandoned.  Our guide took us to the hospital and let me get pictures of the outside and some of the inside.  I didn't realize that my camera was on manual focus, so some of my pics didn't come out well, but they are still priceless to me.  This hospital was incredibly packed with people and was very, very busy.  I wish I could have gotten some video footage, but I'm lucky to have gotten the pictures I did.  I asked our guide how Abby Kate could have been left without anyone noticing.  Once I saw the activity level, though, I realized it wouldn't be very hard.  Mary, our guide, said the mothers will bring the baby, lay them down, and then pretend to be doing something in their purse or whatever.  Then they just walk out.  There's honestly so much activity that it would be very easy to do that unnoticed.  As we got back in the van, the tears started to flow down my face.  I'm not even sure what emotion I was feeling.  It was just so overwhelming.  I was sad for Abby Kate, maybe knowing that someday she might have that feeling of being unwanted, but I was also feeling so grateful to have been given the gift of being her mother.  It was a very brief visit that I will never, ever forget. 

 

We were finally able to experience true culture here in Nanchang today.  For the last several days, it seems like we haven't done much more than a quick trip to a monument and then the rest of the hours in the hotel.  Today we got to go to a gorgeous park in the middle of the city called the People's Park.  I wish we'd known about it earlier.  We would've taken a cab the last couple of days to enjoy the park some more.  As we entered, we heard some wonderful Chinese music.  We went down a little trail to find a very old man playing a two-string fiddle.  There was another man singing with him and two more men clapping.  They finished just as we arrived, but our guide convinced them to play some more for us.  They were very happy to do so.  It was wonderful.  We then made our way to another part of the park where about 50 women were dancing with rhythm sticks.  Equally enjoyable to watch.  Abby Kate really liked the music and the motion.  She was quietly sitting in her stroller which was good progress.  She's finally letting me put her down some.  After walking around some more and watching some people doing Tai Chi, we found yet another group playing music and singing.  The same thing happened here.  We walked up at the end, but they sang another for us anyway.  Abby Kate really enjoyed her time at this one.  She actually stood beside me and walked around me holding onto me and to the stroller.  She can't walk on her own yet.  Her legs are still pretty wobbly. 

 
When we left the park, we headed to a small porcelain shop.  The Jiangxi province is known for their porcelain.  It is gorgeous to see.  We bought a beautiful tea set for AK to have as a momento of her hometown.  I could've bought so much more.  As my mom can attest, I am a sucker for dishes! :)
 
Not wanting to eat in the hotel yet again, we had our guide take us to an Italian restaurant for lunch.  Cafe Roma.  Oh. My. Goodness.  It was divine.  The guide ate somewhere else because she said this place was too expensive, but it really was cheaper than the US.  And SOOOO good!  I didn't even eat dinner last night because I was so tired of hotel food, so this was really a wonderful treat.  If it hadn't been so far from our hotel, I'm sure we would've gone back tonight for dinner.
 
Tomorrow we head to Guangzhou--the last leg of our trip.  This is where we'll get her medical exam and her visa.  The biggest thing to be praying for right now still remains Abby Kate's health.  She is still running a low-grade fever every day.  Last night she developed a cough (I'm assuming from the drainage she's had).  She coughed all night.  She's really not acting puny, but it would be nice for her to be better.  So please be praying for healing for her.  Thank you for coming alongside us with your prayers.  We feel them even halfway around the world!

A Pseudo-American Day

First of all, a praise!  Abby Kate let Brian carry her to and from breakfast this morning without a fuss.  That doesn't seem like a lot, but that is HUGE progress!!  She also ate a lot more at breakfast, so that was great too!
 
After feeling like we might go crazy looking at the 4 walls of our room any longer, it was time to get out and explore the city some today.  We walked to a large town square that commemorates an uprising here in Nanchang in 1927.  I don't understand all the history behind it, but it was apparently such a big deal that everything in the city is named after it.  We enjoyed looking at the various monuments and listening to our guide give us some background on the uprising.  Again, we were very much the center of attention everywhere we went today.  It's still a bit uncomfortable, but we understand it at the same time. 
 
After walking to the other side of the square, we saw it.  Walmart!!!  We couldn't pass up that experience.  :)  It was three floors.  The deli was a little different than back home.  Chicken feet and heads.  Yum!  We made our way to a section set up like the produce section in America, but these bins were full of candy and treats that are sold by the kilogram.  Brian and I wanted to get some to take home to the kids, so we just grabbed one of several different items.  We took them to the lady to weigh them.  She started yelling at us in Chinese like we could understand her.  She was really mad at us and continued to yell to the next customer about us.  We were just laughing because we had no clue what the big deal was.  Apparently, according to our guide, no one buys just one of anything.  You buy a whole bag full, so that made her really mad, I guess.  It's been interesting having certain people talk to us at length and expect us to understand them.  Even when we give them the blank stare, they still don't understand that we don't speak Chinese.  
 
After Walmart, it was time for lunch.  After WAY too many meals in the hotel, we decided to head to Pizza Hut.  Oh my goodness.  It was heavenly!  It was just what we all needed and was a welcome departure from our daily eats.  You don't realize how varied the American diet is until you come to a place like this where it's all the same all the time.
 
We had a new glimpse into Abby Kate's real self while we were eating.  She was so much fun.  She was laughing and smiling (see the pic attached--the first one I've been able to capture).  She was getting into everything and reminded me a lot of Caleb.  They are definitely going to be a pair!!  I'm excited to see more of this side of her as the days progress and she becomes more and more comfortable around us.  
 
The rest of the day today will be rest and probably eating in the hotel again. :(  But we definitely don't want to get out at night.  The traffic here is too crazy for that.  Be praying for a good night's sleep for all of us tonight.  Last night was really rough.  Not sure if it was due to a grieving thing on her part, or the ear infection I'm thinking she may have.  Pray for healing for her.  She's had a low grade fever the last two afternoons and has tugged at her ear some.  There's nothing we can do about it right now, though, so just pray she'll get better on her own, and that we'll all be able to sleep tonight and be ready for another great day tomorrow!

Sorry It's Been Quiet From China!

 I know you all have been wondering where we've been on this blog!  I had no idea it would be blocked in China.  So sorry we haven't been able to post anything.  I am now sending posts to a friend to add here for me, so hopefully you all can keep up with us for the remainder of the trip. 

Abby Kate is an absolute dream.  She's so wonderful and I find it hard to believe she's finally with us.  We spent the morning today going to the notary's office to pay the last of the fees due here in Nanchang.  We sat with the notary and answered a few questions, including why we want to adopt her from China.  I think we've answered that about a dozen times in the last few days.  It's funny how every step we take seems to be the exact same process.  But we just smile and go with it. 

I've been wearing Abby Kate in my Moby wrap.  I finally turned her to face outward today after realizing she's probably going to get a crick in her neck from turning to see everything.  She loves to look at what's going on.  She's unbelievably attached to me and very clingy.  This is a huge praise as we had been praying for her ability to attach and bond.  Please be praying for her bonding with Brian.  We are trying to have him hold her some and feed her, but she's very uncomfortable with him still.  This is very common because the babies don't get much interaction with males in the orphanage or in foster care.  He is being very patient and understanding about it, but it hurts my heart.  I want her to love him so much.  I know it will come with time.

Traveling around the city is quite the experience here.  The other couple traveling with us described it as a live version of Frogger.  We tried crossing the street yesterday.  It is literally a free-for-all.  I just held on tight to AK and stayed very close to our guide.  I think I squealed the whole time we were crossing the road.  Cars come at you and don't slow down.  There are painted lines on the streets, but they don't mean anything.  And if a driver wants to get around a car, he may just move into oncoming traffic to do so.  I just keep looking out the side window whenever we're being driven somewhere.  It's the only way to keep myself from having a heart attack. :)

We went to the Teng Wang Pavilion after the notary today.  It's an absolutely gorgeous 6-story building on the river.  Tons of history inside.  We got to watch a performance of dancing, singing, and playing some ancient instruments.  It was, of course, wonderful and too short for me.  I love that kind of thing.  There are no boundaries or personal spaces when it comes to the Chinese, so even though I thought I had a good place to watch, by the time the performance began, I had 6 or 7 people who had moved in front of me.  I had my video camera held high in the air assuming I could just watch everything later.  Very uncharacteristically, though, a Chinese woman motioned for me to come take her seat on a bench in front.  Then when someone else got up, she came and sat beside me.  She was very enthralled with Abby Kate, and I sensed she truly wanted me to be able to take in the experience.  At one point, a man started to stand in front of me.  She fussed at him and made him move.  :)  She gave AK a piece of candy.  I thanked her in Chinese.  It was nice to have a friend for a moment. 

Today was the first day we've really been out for an extended period of time with AK.  We really stick out and get lots of stares because of that.  People kept coming up to look at us and to touch AK.  There was one group of men who walked by and seemed to be scolding us for having her.  We knew before we came, though, that some people would react that way, so we just ignored it.  Mostly, the people have been friendly, curious, and happy for us. 

The rest of today will be for resting and bonding with AK.  I'm getting a bit tired of the hotel food.  The Western restaurant is far from western, but my picky self has been able to find a few things to eat.  We'll be trying the Italian restaurant tonight.  That should be interesting.

I'll try to work backwards and send some posts about Gotcha Day and yesterday.  I'm limited on time to write since AK doesn't want me to put her down.  We miss you all and look forward to coming home soon!

 This pic is of Me and Abby Kate in front of a Tiger Statue.  Abby Kate was born in the year of the Tiger.

  This pic is of the Teng Wang Pavilion and (below) of the three of us in front of it.

Travel Eve

It's the night before travel day.  Is it really happening?  The last few days have been a whirlwind of preparations, and a trip to the ER for Emily.  I got very sick a few nights ago and had to go get fluids.  I'm feeling better, but still relying on meds to keep me healthy.  Thankful for those.  My feelings of anxiety are subsiding and being replaced with anticipation and excitement.  Just 4 short days till we get to hold baby girl!

Thank you to all of you who have lifted us up in prayer over these last 5 1/2 years.  You have prayed, laughed, cried, and celebrated with us through every step and we are so grateful and blessed to have you.

Here are the things you can be praying with us over the next two weeks:

1.  That God would continue to show himself faithful and be glorified in this process!

2.  Good health for all of us.  Pray that we would handle the jet lag well.

3.  Emily hasn't been feeling well for the past few weeks and is struggling with some anxiety over traveling.  I honestly feel this is a spiritual battle more than anything.  Pray for peace and return of appetite.

4.  Pray for God to prepare Abby Kate's heart to receive us and for a supernatural attachment and bonding.

5.  Pray for the foster family.  They've had Abby Kate for 10 months.  This will be hard for them too.  Pray for comfort, and for their salvation.

6.  Wisdom is needed for us as we work through her grieving process.  She'll be leaving the only family she's ever known.

7.  Safe travel. All in all we will be taking 9 plane rides and a train ride!

We love you all and thank you for supporting us.  Next time we update will be from China!!

Another Kiss from the King

When I was in the MOMS group at Bellevue in Memphis, the speaker, Jean Stockdale, talked about getting Kisses from the King--little gifts from Him that show us His mercy and grace, presents that we aren't expecting that say, "I love you."  We've seen a lot of those along the way in this adoption process.  One of those was when we got our referral and He blessed me with having my mom and lifelong friend visiting.  Having them there to share in our experience was priceless for me.   Another one was when we found out we'll be getting Abby Kate on May 22, the day our first child went to Heaven.  Not a big deal for others to consider, but for us, so precious.

So we had yet another one came last night.  We were called to adopt at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert in October 2002.  He sang "When Love Takes You In" and my heart began to stir.  With tears streaming down my face, I heard the Lord, as audibly as I ever have, say to me, "You will be adopting."  For years, we've wanted to personally thank Steven for his part in our amazing journey to adopt Abby Kate.  Last night I got that chance.  He was on KLOVE with Scott and Kelli.  They asked people to write on their Facebook page stories about how a song of Steven's had impacted their lives.  I wrote about that moment in 2002 and thanked him for his part in our journey.  Just a few minutes later, Kelli read our story on the air!  I was so excited!  I didn't get to talk to him or thank him in person, but now he knows how grateful we are.  That really meant a lot to me.  Again, not a big deal for most, but for me, priceless.

It's Official!!!!

In record time, which is SO not typical for China, we got our confirmation for our consulate appointment in China!!  We officially leave May 19!!!!!  And it turns out we won't have to wait to know if we get her on the 22nd.  (Read the post before this one for that story.)  Our confirmation said, "Sun, May 22: fly from Beijing to Nanchang, you will receive your children today."    

Speechless.

You want us to leave WHEN???

Oh my goodness!  I think I didn't breathe for at least 10 seconds when I opened the email today.  Not long after our referral, we received an email that gave us an estimated travel date of June 10.  Brian's sister is getting married this weekend.  Things have been crazy, to say the least, getting ready for it.  I have been working overtime monogramming and crafting (which of course I love to do). So we had it all set in our minds that we'd get back home and have a nice, looooong six weeks to prepare to leave for China.

So back to that email today.  When you send China your letter of acceptance, they send you a travel approval.  That's when you get your second tentative, but much more likely, date of travel.  Imagine my shock when I scrolled down and saw our itinerary that said "Departure:  May 19"!  WHAT????  Hence the lack of breathing.  I was stunned!  So now we don't have six weeks.  We have a VERY short 3 weeks to prepare!!!  

In the midst of all of the chaos, I still see God's hand on it all.  Had I known about that date while I was preparing for the wedding, I just might have needed to be committed.  Ask my friends.  I was not fun to be around.  I was stressed, but to throw prepping for international travel on top would have sent me over the edge.  My precious Father, always knowing just what I can handle, withheld that from me until the stress of wedding plans had passed.  Don't you just love the subtleties that show His love for us?

There's one more "kiss from the King" that just might give me more than I can handle.  We won't know till we get there.  But our itinerary says we'll receive Abby Kate on the 23rd.  However, some families will be meeting their babies on the 22nd.  Oh, I hope that's true for us.  You see, that is the day 11 years ago that our precious Miller, our first child, went to Heaven.  What an amazing circle of events.  "I saved this little girl for you.  If you'd had it your way, you would have adopted years ago, but I let you wait, sanctifying you more and more through the process, so you could have HER.  And I'm blessing you with her on the anniversary of the day you thought your heart would stop beating."  Again, I just love the way He works.

The Unexpected

I think I mentioned yesterday at how hard it has been to think about Abby Kate and her leaving her only family she's ever known.  I have been very surprised at the unexpected heaviness of my heart in the last two weeks.  For over 5 years, we've anticipated the day we'd get to see her precious face.  Everything was building to that joyous moment.  But now that we've seen her, I've found my emotions taking a turn in the opposite direction.  Obviously, we are still ecstatic to be traveling to bring her home.  But that excitement has been overshadowed by the grief I know she will feel and the sadness I'm feeling for her.  I don't think I've ever let my mind go to that place.  The story of her being left, abandoned, became so much more real once I saw her face.  Before it was just, "It's tragic that people abandon their babies."  Now it's changed to my heart being broken at the thought of MY daughter lying alone in a box or on a step to a police station.  Even as I type, I'm listening to a song by Meredith Andrews that reminds me of God's tremendous love for and faithfulness towards Abby Kate.  "You're not alone for I am here.  Let Me wipe away your every tear.  My love, I've never left your side.  I have seen you through the darkest night.  And I'm the One who's loved you all your life.  All your life."  Praise Him that He has been with her all along.  That He gave her life.  That He protected her when her parents felt they either couldn't take care of her anymore or didn't want her because she wasn't the boy they'd wished for.

While I was so thrilled to hear that she's been in a foster home, now my sadness returns as I heard today that we probably won't get to meet them.  I want so badly to hug their necks, to let them see how much we love her, to thank them for the gift of life they've given my daughter.  I know it would be gut-wrenching to meet them and take her away.  She would be devastated.  So I know it's probably best.  But it still remains something I want very much to be able to do.  I'm praying now that God would allow us the very rare privilege to meet them, but only if that would be healthy for Abby Kate.  I have to put my feelings aside, as do all parents, in the interest of the well-being of my daughter.

Our case worker at our agency said today that we can expect some major grieving on Abby Kate's part.  That pierced my heart to hear it.  I don't want her to hurt!  She said we may have to stay in the hotel room for the majority of the first few days, away from crowds, to help Abby Kate in her healing process and to aid in her journey of bonding with us.  What sweet time that will be, though.  Uninterrupted, completely devoted time to loving on her and letting her learn to trust us.  After 5 1/2 years of waiting for her, I think that sounds pretty nice.

She has 3 mommies.

We got our translation packet emailed to us yesterday.  I just found it in my junk mail.  So glad I checked!  My heart is heavy for Abby Kate right now.  I want to get to her so badly.  I'm her mother, the one God has ordained to raise her to know and love Him.  But I feel so sad for her other two moms, too.  Yes, two.

I'm amazed once again at the way our Father cares for even the tiniest wishes of our hearts.  I began praying years ago that Abby Kate could be raised in a foster home.  I knew she would be held every day, loved, and cared for much greater than in an orphanage with dozens of children.  I knew she'd have better development both physically and mentally.  As I read the translation of her referral, I was so thrilled to read that she's been in a foster home since she was only 3 1/2 months old.  God is SO good!

So now I add yet another mother to my prayer list.  I pray for Abby Kate's birthmother, that she would somehow know her daughter is safe, healthy, and loved.  I pray, too, for Abby Kate's foster mother, for her heart to not be broken as we take Abby Kate from her.  She will have raised our daughter for almost a year.  She can't help but love her.  I love her and haven't even held her yet!  I pray also for these two women to know Jesus.  That would be the most amazing thing ever--to meet them one day in Heaven.

This all presents new issues and concerns to pray for now.  Being in a foster home was definitely best for Abby Kate's growth, but now we have the possibility of some VERY serious grieving on her part.  This family is all she knows.  She has no memory of their not being there.  It would be no different than someone coming and taking Caleb from me and taking him halfway across the world never to return. Oh how my heart breaks at that thought.  So I pray, as I have been, for God to prepare her heart to receive us.  I pray for her not to grieve for too long, but to somehow know that we love her immensely and want to give her the world.  I pray for our hearts, too, to be understanding and patient as she transitions.

I don't know if we will be given the opportunity to stay in touch with her foster family.  What a gift that would be!  How wonderful for her to have something of her past to hold on to as she gets older and can understand her story.  I pray that for her!

Would you join me in praying over these things in the coming weeks as we prepare to travel?  Our God is so faithful and hears us as we bring our petitions to Him!
Philippians 4:6--Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Below is the translation of her referral packet in case you would like to read it.

Growth Report on Hong Min Ying

Hong Min Ying, female, was born on April. 8th , 2010. She was sent to the orphanage on May 8th,2010 by the local police. There wasn’t a note was found with her ; her birthday was estimated according to her physical condition and she was given a name by children unite of Welfare Home. Her measurements were 54cm for height, 3.7kg for weight, 35cm for head circumference, and 36cm for chest circumference.

She was one month old as first enter into the orphanage. At that time she was tiny and could not suck strongly, appetite was small; she would take 50-70ml milk each time. She lived in the infant room. Because of the good care by Ayi, she eat more and more, suck strongly; her face started turn to red. In order to give her better care , we found a foster family for her. She entered into her foster family on July 23, 2010. At the age of 2 months, she had Strong limb activities. Her head could turn to left and right when she was 3-4 months old; her eyes could follow the subjects; her hands could hold toys and could look at her own hands; she also could pronounced “Yi—Ya”. Her hands became more Flexible and tried reach toys far away her; she was a little afraid of strangers, loved be hold by foster families. She like the adults play with her and talk to her with baby words like “wo---wo”, she would be happy and laugh. When people call her name she would give response quickly. She could sit well by herself at the age of 7-8 months. She could pass the toy from one hand to another; feed her cookies by her own; could craw; had sense to imitate like shake her head like mom. She likes toys with music and playing the game of hide and find. The brother from the foster family is her playmate; he plays this game with her since he off school; she likes brother to hold her. Min Ying is 9 months old now, her skin was white but now is brown for mom takes her out every day for have sun bath. But she looks healthier and lovely. She is not afraid strangers any more, smiles a lot, lovable, family members and neighbors love to hold her up and she enjoys that also. She craw so fast and can stand long time under an assistance, takes her walker to all of the places she wants to go. She likes fresh toys and listening music. Her body will move follow the rhythm and seems so cute.


The main foods her are porridge, noodle. There are three meals a day for her. She takes half bowl each time. And take milk, rice bread, egg, and fruit juice as supplementary food. Her health status is great, hardly sick. She sleeps well and bowel movements and urinate are both normal.

Referral Pics!!!

Our referral packet came today!!  In it were color pictures of Abby Kate, her medical records, and all kinds of papers and info for us to fill out and send in.  The next two months are going to be a real whirlwind!  We are so smitten with this baby girl.  She is so precious!!

Following our Journey

Many people have asked me (Emily) if we had a blog they could follow for our adoption.  I've been posting things on Facebook, but thought this would be a better option since not everyone uses Facebook.  Hopefully I can keep up with this.  I'm notorious for starting things like this and not continuing them.  I have a little more motivation this time though. :)

Here's where we are right now.  As I type, I'm anxiously waiting for the Fed Ex man to ring my doorbell.  We got our call confirming our referral from China on Friday, April 1.  The packet we're waiting for today has all her information, better pictures, and paperwork from our agency.  The next step will be for Brian and me to send our Letter of Intent to China stating our desire to adopt Abby Kate.  After that, we wait for our travel approval which comes from China with the exact dates for us to be there.  After that, we travel in about two weeks.  All in all, this is a 6-8 week process.  And I have a feeling it's going to fly by!  We have so much to do!

So over the coming weeks, we'll be sharing info about the latest in our journey, as well as prayer requests for our trip.  And hey, if you see me slacking off, send me an email and tell me to get on it! :)